Harry Potter and the Room of Fantasy
by lightblue-Nymphadora
Summary: Harry's noticed something odd at work, and something really odd at home. He goes to Tonks for an explanation. Rate M. Cracky at points. Don't. Flame. Me.
1. Conversation

_**LbN: Dedicated to SarahWinters, Respitechristopher, and all my Teachers' Lounge pals. Story will be moderately to severely cracktastic. Enjoy ;)**_

Tonks sat in the cozy café, staring out of the window. Harry would be along any minute now. She was surprised at how calm she was about this…discussion they were about to have. Really, she'd known all along that it would come to this—known since he first suggested sharing a place.

* * *

"_Welcome to the Auror department, mate," Tonks said, giving Harry a friendly nudge._

"_Thanks. Now I just have to find a place to live and I'll be a real adult," Harry said, laughing._

"_Having the same problem," Tonks told him as they walked through the training center. "Death Eaters torched my place in the last few months of the war. Couch jumped from that point on."_

"_Hey, maybe…." Harry trailed off, glancing at her._

"_What?"_

"_Maybe…we could share a place? Split the cost; actually be able to have a breather with someone at the end of the day. We get on pretty well, and our schedules are similar…."_

"_You would get tired of me after a week."_

"_Oh come on," he said, grinning. "We'll Tonks-proof the place so you don't hurt yourself."_

_She glared at him for a moment, but then the corners of her mouth began to twitch. "I have friends over a lot. You strike me as the type who'd want to have a quiet evening after saving the world…again."_

"_So we'll dip into our vast inheritances and buy a house?" Harry suggested. "If we make it through two years without killing each other, it'll pay for itself."_

_Tonks laughed. "Key word: if. Fine. Let's give it a go. Just one thing…."_

"_What's that?"_

_Tonks was quiet for a second, carefully choosing her words. "I want to pick the floor plan for the house. I'm…picky about what features there are."_

_Harry quirked an eyebrow at her, but said, "Fine then. Reckon you'll have some ideas by tomorrow? We could look them over at lunch."_

"_Sure."_

* * *

She twisted her bracelet compulsively as Harry walked in and squeezed his way through the tables.

He had a smug grin on his face, but still blushed when he greeted her. "I'm on to you," he said quietly.

"Let's hope so after what happened. I'd have to call for your expulsion from the department if you hadn't picked up on it. Aurors tend to not be quite that dim."

"You're rather cocky this morning for someone who's about to have to explain herself."

Tonks huffed. "I figured we'd end up here sooner or later. Hadn't quite pictured it happening like this, but…."

They sat silently for a moment. Finally, Harry smirked at her. "Well? Get on with it."

"Fine," she said, smirking. "But before I do…How long have you known?"

"About a month. But only…the full scope since last night."

"Merlin, Morgana, and all the founders of Hogwarts…" Tonks mumbled. "Right, here goes…."


	2. What Harry Saw

**Harry Potter and the Room of Fantasy**

_**One Month Earlier**_

Harry pulled his cloak out of the locker. "Ainsley?" he called. "I'm leaving for the day."

His fellow trainer poked her head into the equipment room. "Had enough for one day?" she teased, walking in and taking a seat on the bench. "Big bad Potter, running scared of his recruits."

Harry grinned at her. "When you spend the day shooting hexes at, and being attacked by, our psychotic recruits, you'll be running scared too." He squinted as the light reflected off of her bracelet. "Tonks has that one too," he said, pointing at it.

Ainsley twisted the bracelet, not quite meeting his eyes. "You pay that much attention to Tonks's accessories?"

"No," Harry said. "It's just that there have been a few times when we've gotten drunk, and I inevitably end up helping her look for it the next day."

"Er…yeah. Well, I told her I liked hers and she got me the name of the designer."

There was something odd about the way she said it. It was halted, and she didn't quite meet his eyes. He had no idea why she'd lie about a bracelet, but he didn't worry about it. "Anyway," he said, stowing his wand in his jeans. "See you tomorrow. Are you staying with the recruits?"

"No. Seekins has that happy job tonight. I'm out of here after I finish my paperwork."

"Brilliant. I'll see you tomorrow then."

* * *

Harry dropped his keys for the fifth time since he'd Apparated. He would be surprised that he hadn't Splinched himself, but he was too drunk to be surprised at anything. Finally, he got his key in the lock and let himself into the house. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew not to bother Tonks. It was Girls' Night. Toenail polish and Muggle movies, or something like that. Still, he should say good night. Polite? Sure, that was the word. He stumbled into the wall and rested there for a moment. Damn Dublin Destroyers. This was all their fault. Any time they lost, Seamus got everyone shitfaced. With a deep breath, he walked slowly down the hall. He was drunk enough to know he was drunk, and he didn't want Tonks to know it. He stopped just in front of Tonks' room, hand on the door. Pushing it open just a crack, he peeked inside. He didn't want to walk in if they were in the middle of a crying movie. He was in no mood for woman tears. Man tears were bad enough.

That wasn't right. He shut his eyes hard and opened them again. Still the same. It looked… it looked like one of the interrogation rooms at the Ministry. And holy shit! He should look away. He had to look away. He couldn't see who it was, but they were definitely naked. And handcuffed to a very sturdy looking table. Tonks was facing away from him, toward…her. She was dressed as a Muggle police officer.

As he began to feel decidedly uncomfortable around the nether regions, he snapped out of his dazed state. He shouldn't be watching this. Whatever was going on…well, the mystery lady on the table was very obviously enjoying it. He shut the door silently and bolted back to his room.

* * *

**Two Weeks Earlier**

"Well done, mate!" Harry yelled as Angelina came flying toward them. "You were brilliant."

"Thanks," she said breathlessly. "Can't believe we won! First time we've beaten the Tornadoes in years!"

"So how long are you in town?" he asked. They sat on the bleachers and watched the stadium empty.

"A few days. Staying with a friend tonight and going to see the family tomorrow. Do you want to hit a pub? I could do with a quick drink and some chips after this madness."

"Of course. Your team won't miss you?"

"Nah. We all go our separate ways whenever we're in London. You can wait in the press room while I change, if you want."

"Okay."

Half an hour later, they were sitting in a booth at The Wily Squid. Quidditch was playing on the TellyWiz. Angelina had a Gillywater, and Harry was nursing a Butterbeer. Both were fired up over Dublin's loss.

"I don't understand how you can have the best Chasers in the league, and still choke against the bloody Cannons," Angelina said.

"Pressure. As far as skill goes, yeah, they're the best. But put a little pressure on them and they fall apart. The Cannons are moving up in the league—they had a lot to play for. Dublin couldn't handle it," Harry said, annoyed. Ron would be smug for days about this.

"You're probably right," Angelina said. Her bracelet and watch clinked together as she checked the time. "I should be going. My friend will be waiting."

"Right. Hey!" he said, smiling. "Whatever store sells those bracelets must be doing great business. You're the third person I've seen with one on."

Angelina giggled, a bit nervously in Harry's opinion. "Er…yeah. I got it for my birthday. Anyway, it was nice seeing you, Harry."

"You too."

* * *

He didn't pull a "Stay Until Sloshed" this time, and thus had a much easier time getting into his house. He heard noises coming from Tonks' side of the house, but ignored them. He was still traumatized. Still…

A voice came from down the hall. It was too low for him to know whose it was.

Harry knew he shouldn't, but he wanted to know. It would bug him all night. He crept down the hall and looked through the keyhole of Tonks' door. He had to stifle a gasp quickly. He'd say one thing for her—Tonks definitely had an imagination. The room wasn't a police station, or Tonks' regular room, but a part of the game board of Candyland. He wasn't sure what they were doing, but he had a pretty good idea from the noises that were coming from the room. There was one he couldn't quite place—like a small fire extinguisher going off. After a few minutes of trying to place the noise, he began to feel like a peeping Tom and went back to his room. He needed some alone time anyway….

* * *

"Waffles?" Tonks offered.

"Thanks," Harry said groggily.

"You going in to work?"

"No, but I'm supposed to be meeting Seamus about a broom."

"Do you know how dirty that sounded?" Tonks asked, laughing and handing Harry a plate.

_You're one to talk about being dirty_, he thought with a smile. His head snapped up when he heard the mini-fire extinguisher noise.

Tonks was topping her waffles with whipped cream. "Want some?" she asked, catching his eye.

"Er…no. Thanks," he said in an unnaturally high voice.

"You alright mate?"

"Perfect!" he said. "Yeah, just… I had weird dreams last night."

"Like what?"

He picked at his food for a moment, weighing his options. He loved Tonks to death, but he had to mess with her. "It was weird… You know that game Candyland?" he asked, happy to see that Tonks (including her hair) turned red for a moment. "Yeah, I played it once with my cousin. One of my uncle's American business partners brought it to Dudley. Anyway, I had a dream I was in the board game last night. Weird, huh?"

Tonks began eating at hyper speed. "Yeah…weird."

"Anyway," Harry said. "What are you up to today?"

"Shopping with Hermione and Ginny."

"Merlin help us… just don't bring back another giant stuffed moose."

"I don't know why you don't like Alphonsus…."

* * *

**One Day Earlier**

"Hey Katie, Payton, Bianca, Gin—Merlin's pants, what is with you girls and this bracelet?" Harry asked, exasperated. Katie, Bianca and Ginny were both wearing one, but Payton wasn't. To his surprise and confusion, Payton blushed.

"It's just a bracelet, Harry," Ginny said smoothly.

Harry knew something was up. Whenever Ginny used that tone of voice, it meant there was something afoot. "Right. Well, I'm leaving for the day. Tell Seekins I'll bring the files in with me tomorrow."

"Will do," Katie said.

He walked down the hall to the fireplaces, then thought better of it. He retraced his steps, stopping outside of Ginny's office. Listening closely, he could hear them talking inside.

"Are you coming to Tonks' tonight?" Katie asked.

"Yeah," Payton said. "I'll be there."

"Good," Ginny said. "You'll have fun. I promise."

What the hell was happening? All of them? At once? Harry began to feel uncomfortable in the pants again. That seemed to be happening a lot more lately….

"Harry lives there too, right?"

"Yeah, but he never joins in," Bianca said. "It's just us girls."

Harry walked away quickly, a plan forming in his mind.

* * *

The house was quiet. He'd had two pots of tea to stay awake. He worked on his trainees' profiles while the minutes ticked by. Finally, around eleven, he worked up the nerve to go through with his more-than-slightly creeperish plan. He set his quill on the desk and slipped down the hall. The only way he could justify this to himself was…actually, he couldn't. Respecting each others' privacy was a very basic rule in that house, and he was about to unapologetically face-stomp said rule into the dust.

The spell was risky—you had to stay perfectly still in order for it to work. Plus with at least two Aurors on the other side of that door, he'd have to be damn near petrified to pull this off. Still, he had to know. Had to see this with his own eyes. He sat in the corner close to the door and cast the spell. The door turned invisible—like he'd placed a Disillusionment charm on it. His mouth dropped open.

He was looking at more lace and frills than the average china doll collection. In fact, that kind of looked like what was happening. Tonks' harem (to include Angelina and Ainsely) was dressed in various frilly schoolgirl outfits. Harry tried not to drool.

"Come here, Payton," Tonks said, holding a hand out.

Payton walked to the front of the classroom (of course it's a classroom, Harry thought) and sat on the edge of the teacher's desk.

"We're glad you decided to join us, Payton," Tonks said, putting the younger Auror's hair up in a pigtail. She tied the ribbon into a bow and said. "Who do you want first?"

Payton's face burned. "Katie."

Harry thought he was having a heart attack. To his horror, he found that he instead had to sneeze. He plugged his nose.

Tonks paused. She looked toward the door.

Harry stood completely still.

"What is it?" Payton asked.

"I forgot something in the kitchen," Tonks said with a smile.

"Someone's getting a spanking," Ginny sang.

"Probably you, Weasley," Tonks said, smirking. "Why don't you and Bell get Payton ready. I'll be right back."

Harry took the spell off and bolted as quietly as he could back to his room. He settled in his chair, picked up his quill, and pretended to be working.

"Harry?"

"Oh, hey Tonks," he said, utterly unconvincing.

She just stared at him, arms folded.

He broke after five seconds. "I'm sorry. I was curious."

She finally smiled. It wasn't a normal smile though. Harry was pretty sure she was still in character—and it was terrifying. "I'll take you to breakfast tomorrow. You can ask any questions you want, but you can't watch tonight."

"…please…?"

"Good night, Harry."


	3. Tonks Explains

**Harry Potter and the Room of Fantasy**

"It started with just me and Katie," Tonks said quietly. "She and Angie have a pretty open relationship, and when Angie was in season she was gone a lot. Katie and I always had some kinky shit going, and it just got worse when Angie decided to join. Then Ginny found out. Luna was a part of it for a while, until she and Ginny broke up. Er…it's become kind of a secret girl club that everyone kind of knows about, but no one quite knows exactly what's going on. Until they join, of course," she added with a smile.

"How many?"

"I'm not collecting or anything. In fact, I was a little nervous about adding Payton. She's…younger. But Ginny said it would be good for her, and she's really sweet."

"So…the room?"

"One of the reasons I wanted to pick the house," Tonks admitted. "I need a large room to pull of that big of a Glamour."

"A change spell? That's all?"

"Yep. Just ask my lady, or as was the case last night, ladies, what they're up for, and poof!"

"Poof…." Harry's mind was officially spinning. "So the interrogation room?"

"Katie's favorite, but Ainsley likes it too. I think you were perving on her that night."

"Candyland?"

"Angelina."

"Schoolgirl?"

"Standard 'first night' fantasy. Eases the new girl into things."

"I may pass out…."

Tonks laughed.

"Do you…you know… like any of them? Like more than just for sex…."

"Ginny. But we're both kind of addicted to the current arrangemet."

"What else do you guys do?"

"Aw, sweet Harry," Tonks said, grinning. "Your head would explode if I told you, and I don't fancy having that on my conscience."

"I'm in."

"In what?"

"Your harem. I want in."

Tonks laughed again. "It's not a harem, Harry."

"Fine, your boning club…your secret love parties…your metamorphmagus shagging Olympics. Not bothered with what you call it, but I want a membership!"

Tonks shook her head. "No boys allowed."

Harry harrumphed and sat back in his seat. "Will they be mad? You know, that you've told me all of this…?"

"No. We have an understanding that if you ever found out, I would fill you in and make you swear on pain of…well, pain, that you wouldn't tell a soul. And that you won't poke too much fun at them."

"Noted. Can I join when it's just you and Ginny? You two aren't completely opposed to cock."

Shaking her head, Tonks stood. "We'll see. See you after work, Harry."

* * *

Harry whistled as he walked through the Ministry. He'd trained with the recruits for a while, proctored an exam for a few of them, delivered all the profiles to Seekins, and was still in time to catch his favorite radio program. Assuming no one caught him on his way out. He greeted people as he walked, making his way to the Floo hall.

"Hey Harry! Leaving?" It was Payton.

"Yeah. I'll see you Monday, P."

"Right, see you."

"Hey Payton?"

"Yeah?"

"Nice bracelet." With that, Harry waved and stepped into one of the fireplaces to Floo home.


End file.
